Sunday, October 31, 2010

Trick Or Treat?


Dear SEGA,

Ding-Dong! Trick or treat,
move your feet, give us a new
Shenmue game to beat!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Saturday, October 30, 2010

You Jumped The Shark


Dear SEGA,

'Member when Fonzie
jumped the shark? You guys did that
seven years ago.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Ayyyyy!


Dear SEGA,

Maybe if Fonzie
hit you like a jukebox, you'd
get back to normal.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

All Choked Up


Dear SEGA,

Well, see what you've done?
You made The Fonz cry with that
Shenmue City crap!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Friday, October 29, 2010

Shenmue 3! Shenmue 3! Shenmue 3!


Dear SEGA,

All you need to do
is call it 3 times to make
Shenmue 3 appear.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Gil Bates 2


Dear SEGA,

Maybe Bill Gates will
pay for it in exchange for
exclusivity.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Keep Your Eyes On The Stars, And Your Feet On The Ground


Dear SEGA,

It is hard to fail,
but it is worse never to
have tried to succeed
.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Some Sonic Tunes Would Rock Though


Dear SEGA,

Shenmue in Rock Band!
Actually, that's stupid.
Ignore what I've said.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Monday, October 25, 2010

Fan Made



Dear SEGA,

Bring on the heartbreak!
No more Shenmue? Whatever!
We'll just make our own.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Sunday, October 24, 2010

No Equal


Dear SEGA,

No game yet comes close
to the complexity of
the Shenmue series.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Saturday, October 23, 2010

...Then Spend One More Minute With This Game


Dear SEGA,

Because I'd rather
spend eternity eating
shards of broken glass...

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Friday, October 22, 2010

Time Sink




里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Shenmue Buns


Dear SEGA,

In a galaxy
far, far away, a new "DO"
is making the rounds.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Laid Back, With My Mind On Shenmue And Shenmue On My Mind


Rolling down the street,
smokin' indo, sippin' on
some Shenmue 3 juice.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Sealed With A Curse As Sharp As A Knife. Doomed Is Your Soul And Damned Is Your Life


Dear SEGA,

History is made
at night. Character is what
you are in the dark.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Monday, October 18, 2010

I'm Beginning To Think...



...that we'd see Van Damme
kick Seagal's ass, before we'd
see a Shenmue 3.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Don't be seduced...


Dear SEGA,

...into thinking that
that which does not make profit
is without value.


Sincerely Yours
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I Understand You're A Man Who Knows How To Get Things



Can you get me a
Rita Hayworth poster and
the third Shenmue game?


里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Friday, October 15, 2010

Let's Kick It Up A Notch


Dear SEGA,

A dash of Pepper
with lots of garlic, and BAM!
Another Shenmue!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Thursday, October 14, 2010

1983 All Over Again


Dear SEGA,

You need your fanboys.
Casual gamers move in
mysterious ways.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Respek


Dear SEGA,

Yo, BOOYAKASHA!
Is you make Shenmue 3 yet,
or does you not care?

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Claws Of Bedrock


Dear SEGA,

3 Shenmues, SEGA.
There should be at least one for
each claw in this pic.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Monday, October 11, 2010

What You Don't Do Can Be A Destructive Force




SEGA, When you cease
to make a contribution,
you begin to die
.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Encore


Dear SEGA,

Verdi said it best.
You may have the universe
If I may have "3".

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

里見治 1 shenmue 3 里見治 2 シェンムー3 セガサミーホールディングス株式会社 シェンムー3 sega hajime satomi 株式会社セガ

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Where The Grass Is "3"

Dear SEGA,

I take back my post from yesterday. Shenmue City? That's even worse than the MMO. It's a severe disservice to the fans, yourself, and Shenmue. What's it gonna play like? A Facebook game? Like Farmville? Shenmueville? Will we only be able to ask three people each day where the sailors are? Should we invite all our Facebook friends to build up our Shenmue City mob? FUCKYOURFACE. Christ on a cracker, guys! I hope it's fake. I bet it won't even have a story, much less an ending to the preexisting one. Maybe Hajime Satomi hates Shenmue fans. Seems likely, yeah?

On a side note, at least now I know what my missing post for Oct. 28 of last year was. A few months back I was updating the blog and accidentally deleted Oct. 28th's. I don't know how I did it, but I blame the malt liquor.

Anyhow, for the last couple months I've been trying to figure out what it was, and a few weeks ago just said fuck it and made up a new Haiku for that day to replace the missing one. Now I hear about this Shenmue City crap and it reminds me of this Shenmue City Haiku I wrote that was inspired by the song Paradise City, so I go looking through all my posts to find the fucking thing to no avail. Conclusion, It must have been the missing Haiku.

I wanna see it.
Take me to Shenmue City,
where the grass is "3"

Mystery solved. Thanks SEGA. You fucktards.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Turn That Frown Upside Down


Dear SEGA,

Morgan Webb frowns 'cause
you haven't made Shenmue 3.
Make her smile again!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Monday, October 4, 2010

211? Isn't That Police Code For Armed Robbery? YEAH, LET'S PUT THAT ON A FUCKING BEER CAN.

Dear SEGA,

I got nothing for you today other than to say "Make Shenmue 3!"

I've just spent the last couple hours trying to come up with something even just mildly interesting to no avail. Maybe if I hadn't been drinking all night, I could've come up with some funny way to put Hajime Satomi's head onto someone's cockerspaniel or something, but alas that's not the case. I have a hundred or so haiku sitting in my "vault", but I'd rather just take a moment to drunkenly blog for once. I almost posted up a quote from Russell Simmons, but then realized it's got jack dick to do with Sega or Shenmue. Sometimes I just hit that fuckin wall, man.
Anyhow, to the 3 people out there reading this, sorry. If you need a haiku, then here's one straight from my ass.

1,2,3,4,5
FUCK! It's five in the morning!
Fuck this stupid blog.

There. Happy?

Sometimes, I just like to rant and rave for no good reason. I am currently doing so. It's 5 in the morning and not 10. This post just says 10AM, because that's the time I set it for. ALL MY POSTS SAY 10AM. Ya know what? In 2011 all my posts will be up at 11AM. FOR POSTERITY'S SAKE. Posterity is important and shit. Right? FUCK YOUR MOUTH.

You guys ever drink steel venom? Or steel fucking mountain? Steel fucking turdburglarizingvandalheartmotherfuckers I don't re,member what it's called. Steel reserve that's it. This shit is destroying some brain cells, I tells ya. It's too bad, too, what with the brain being the totality of our existence and all. FUCK IT. This shit's 8 percent alcohol and dirt cheap. Hobo's fuckin dream. Who needs Maddog?

I'm gonna say something about Shenmue 3 before I'm done. Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Save Shenmue. Save Turbo. Two of you will get that turbo thing. The other one of ya, well, too fucking bad. Seriously though, I'm really not worried about Shenmue 3. It'll happen eventually. Of course it will, it's a videogame franchise.

Like Bebe's kids, they don't die; they multiply. Robin Harris was way too fuckin young. The last thing I'm writing is the title. Fucking bedtime. Goodnight. Suck my balls.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Tairy Greene


Dear SEGA,

The new G-axe sucks.
Write that down. Go fuck yourself.
Write that one down too.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.