Sunday, May 31, 2009

Come On Already!



Dear SEGA,

Sonic 1 on iPhone, eh? That was a great game 18 years ago, but maybe you should concentrate on creating a 3D Sonic game that doesn't suck the ass end of a dead donkey instead. Or, better yet, make Shenmue 3.

Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Come on already!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Another Game For You To Bastardize


Dear SEGA,

If you're just itching to turn your properties into MMO's, then how about Kid Chameleon?

That'd be great wouldn't it? You would have rhino men charging through samurais, maniacs dueling iron knights, FLYS FIGHTING TANKGUYS! FREAKIN GIANT-ALIEN-HEAD-BOSS GUYS EATING PRIZE BLOCKS! MASS HYSTERIA!

Since it's an MMO, everyone could be a holographic games champion. And keeping in spirit with the original, you wouldn't ever need to save. Because, after all, saving is for panzies. GOTY.

On second thought, forget that noise. It's a horrible idea. Stick to the Shenmue MMO. Or better yet, forget about this MMO nonsense and just make Shenmue 3. Words to live by, Sega.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Action, Drama, Heroic!

Dear SEGA,

I'll gladly take Shenmue Online if that's all there is to be. I'd rather you just made a standalone game, but whatever, beggars can't be choosers. You need to release it in the west too, not just to Triad Society pirates. If ya don't, you'd be wasting valuable resources and we all know Sega doesn't do that.

...err nevermind.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Shayayayayyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeenmue

Dear SEGA,

Come on Shenmue
Sheyeyeyyyyenmue
Sheyyyyyyyyyyenmue
Sheshybeeblysheeeeeeflenflu
Sheyyyyeyyyenenenenmuemuemue

I thought I had you pegged: on the prowl for gamers who have money
You'd find one, delight his eye - he'd play, you'd pull the reel in
He'd buy all your peripherals - all your nintenfriends would blink in envy
Instead you headed straight for me, dragged me gratefully to the floor and said: "Let's see you..."

Sheeyayayayyyayayayayayayeeenmue
Sheshyblyayayayayeeenmue
Shayayayaaaaaaaaaaaaaayenmue
Shabladadoobiedabenmue

"Look, I'd believe this if you came here
More on your own rather than the arcade
Not just to win a bet with yourself or a secret ring
Not just to win the console war or be paid"

"See, at nineteen, to be a wiser fanboy,
I hid beneath the radar's knob
I met gamers who, with hearts destroyed,
Made everyone look like a junked R.O.B"

"Since no Sega screams
Have convinced me
I've no idea what I'm gonna do
To change this mindset I've had ever since you stopped making Shenmue."

Come on, Shenmue

Sheyeyeyeyyyyyyyyyyyyenmuuuue
Sheshayayayshenbenflenamasheeeeenmuuuuue
Sheysheyeyeyyyyyeyysheyshenmuuuuuuuuuuuue
Sheyeyyyyyyyyyeyyyyyyyyyyeyyyyyyeyyeyeyeyyeyeyeeeeyayayayenmue

And you replied: "Hell, let's both unzip our shining-souls,
And run through fields with the beast-rider gods,
And we can shadow black-doom with a fast shoe."
And I said: "Right! How many crappy games am I gonna have to play through?"

(Come on, Shenmue!)

Shenmue up
Shenmue down
Shenmue up
Shenmue down
Shenmue...Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start? Not quite.

Shenmue...somehow

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

For You And Us Both



Dear SEGA,

We want Shenmue 3.
It is a necessity
for you and us both.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Bring It Forth

Dear SEGA,

If you would be so kind to bring forth the Shenmue 3, I would be much appreciative.

Another Panzer Dragoon Saga wouldn't hurt either.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Brutal Lucky Hit

Dear SEGA,

Do not trust the man.
He's a peg-and-ball wizard.
Brutal Lucky Hit.

...but seriously, make Shenmue 3.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Let's Tap Yu Suzuki

Dear SEGA,

What the frakk is this?

Inanity. That's what. At least it has a catchy theme song.

Here's an idea. Let's tap Yu Suzuki for the completion of Shenmue. He's available, right? What with him being your bitch-boy and all. Give him a break from fetching your sammiches for a bit and I'm sure he could muster up one helluva sequel.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Do It For the Old Lady

Dear SEGA,

My great-great-great granmomo died the other day.

On her death bed she bade me bespeak a favor of you. Knowing that she was dying and that she couldn't play it anyway, she asked for you to finish the legacy that is Shenmue. She sure loved her some Samurai Boy!

I think she hoped to play it in the afterlife. I don't think she'll ever get the chance to. Not because there might not be an afterlife, but because you guys hate Yu Suzuki.

You wouldn't deny a dying woman's last request would ya?

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Shenmue On A Stick

Dear SEGA,

Please make more Shenmue. Shenmue 3, Shenmue Online, Shenmue on a stick. Freakin Shenmue Superstars Tennis, I don't care. Just give us more Shenmue, please.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Five Dollar Footlongs

Dear SEGA,

If you make Shenmue 3 right now, I will take you all out for some five dollar footlongs. Does that sound yarmy or what? I know, right! Right?

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Gil Bates

Dear SEGA,

Maybe Gil Bates is a Shenmue fan. Ya should get him on the horn and see if he'll plop down 70 million for another one. It's worth a shotski, comrades.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Ultimate Videogame

Dear SEGA,

Shenmue changed the way I perceive the world. The completeness of the experience and the robustness of the environment was all encompassing. Running around Yokosuka, digging through people's drawers. Investigating every little nook and cranny of the city. Asking strangers where I could find sailors. All these details made me feel like I had escaped my mundane life, free to explore anything, anywhere. I felt lucid in a dream world. It was exhilarating.

While picking up every little thing I could find and examining it, I had an epiphany. Not only could you do all this in real life, you could do a billion times more. Suddenly, everything had so much value. Life, the ultimate adventure game. From that point forward, I have never been bored. Thanks.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

A Humble Request

Dear SEGA,

Bring forth the Shenmue 3!
Bring forth the Shenmue 3!
Bring forth the Shenmue 3!
Bring forth the Shenmue 3!
Bring forth the Shenmue 3!
Bring forth the Shenmue 3!
Bring forth the Shenmue 3!
Bring forth the Shenmue 3!
Bring forth the Shenmue 3!
Bring forth the Shenmue 3!


Come forth with the bringing of the Shenmue 3, already. Ya freaks.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Nihonjin Pride

Dear SEGA,

As a fixture of Japanese game development history, you should celebrate modern Japan with an epic that spans years and continents. It should showcase Japanese martial arts, culture and society. Also, it should have an ending. AND VENDING MACHINES.

Somebody should really get on that.

OhnowaitthatsShenmue3!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Forsaking My Wii

Dear SEGA,

I will give up playing the Wii forever if you just finish the saga that is Shenmue. Not like it'll be hard, what with there being nothing but Wiimakes and Wiiductions available for it.

Ya know what? I'm just gonna give it up anyway.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Sonic Unwarranted : (

Dear SEGA,

Shenmue 3 needs to happen. Sonic and the Stumpy Squire does not. Nor does Sonic and the Secret Waggle. In fact, Sonic Unwarranted breaks my heart. The only thing that can mend it is more Shenmue. MEND MY HEART PLEASE.



Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sincere Entreatment

Dear SEGA,

You wrote a check and now you best cash it.

Shenmue
is so important to us that it has changed the way we speak and write.

For instance,

The End.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Shenmue 3 Please!

Dear SEGA,

Shenmue 3. Make it so. Sooner is better than later but later is fine too. Later is better than never, and never is just not cool, man.

Sincerely Yours
Shenmue Fan.