Monday, October 4, 2010

211? Isn't That Police Code For Armed Robbery? YEAH, LET'S PUT THAT ON A FUCKING BEER CAN.

Dear SEGA,

I got nothing for you today other than to say "Make Shenmue 3!"

I've just spent the last couple hours trying to come up with something even just mildly interesting to no avail. Maybe if I hadn't been drinking all night, I could've come up with some funny way to put Hajime Satomi's head onto someone's cockerspaniel or something, but alas that's not the case. I have a hundred or so haiku sitting in my "vault", but I'd rather just take a moment to drunkenly blog for once. I almost posted up a quote from Russell Simmons, but then realized it's got jack dick to do with Sega or Shenmue. Sometimes I just hit that fuckin wall, man.
Anyhow, to the 3 people out there reading this, sorry. If you need a haiku, then here's one straight from my ass.

FUCK! It's five in the morning!
Fuck this stupid blog.

There. Happy?

Sometimes, I just like to rant and rave for no good reason. I am currently doing so. It's 5 in the morning and not 10. This post just says 10AM, because that's the time I set it for. ALL MY POSTS SAY 10AM. Ya know what? In 2011 all my posts will be up at 11AM. FOR POSTERITY'S SAKE. Posterity is important and shit. Right? FUCK YOUR MOUTH.

You guys ever drink steel venom? Or steel fucking mountain? Steel fucking turdburglarizingvandalheartmotherfuckers I don't re,member what it's called. Steel reserve that's it. This shit is destroying some brain cells, I tells ya. It's too bad, too, what with the brain being the totality of our existence and all. FUCK IT. This shit's 8 percent alcohol and dirt cheap. Hobo's fuckin dream. Who needs Maddog?

I'm gonna say something about Shenmue 3 before I'm done. Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Shenmue 3. Save Shenmue. Save Turbo. Two of you will get that turbo thing. The other one of ya, well, too fucking bad. Seriously though, I'm really not worried about Shenmue 3. It'll happen eventually. Of course it will, it's a videogame franchise.

Like Bebe's kids, they don't die; they multiply. Robin Harris was way too fuckin young. The last thing I'm writing is the title. Fucking bedtime. Goodnight. Suck my balls.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

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