Hajime Satomi Is Bizarro

Dear SEGA,

G-Axe Beast Rider
and 3D Sonic are like
kryptonite to me.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Hajime Satomi Is A Sort Of Wizard Of Weapons

Dear SEGA,

My nephew has just
discovered the Shenmue games.
Could you help me here?

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Time To Get Oogie

Dear SEGA,

It might not seem so,
but I'm your number 1 fan.
You dirty birdies!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

You Need a Miracle Worker

Dear SEGA,

The only thing worse
than being blind is having
sight but no vision.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Do It For The Donger

Dear SEGA,

Come on already!
No more yankie my wankie,
the Donger needs it!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Saucerful Of Shenmue

Dear SEGA,

There's been numerous
Shenmue sightings recently.
The truth is out there?

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Everybody Loves Tom

Dear SEGA,

Bring back my friend Tom.

Tom and I, we go way back,

back to Shenmue 1.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Guten Tag, Gutenberg!

Dear SEGA,

SEGA suffers in
the multitude of souls which
Shenmue 3 can't reach.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Gimme Some Shenmue Sugar, Baby!

Dear SEGA,

Swallow this, SEGA.
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with all
the Shenmue haiku!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Only The Guy Who Isn't Rowing Has Time To Rock The Boat

Dear SEGA,

The best work is not
what's most difficult for you;
it's what you do best.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Tell Me How To Win Your Heart, For I Haven't Got A Clue

Dear Shenmue Fans,

And I said, "Hello!"
"Is It "3" you're looking for?"
Shenmue 3, of course...

Sincerely Yours,
SEGA

Garfield: Caught In The Act

Dear SEGA,



Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Roger Ebert HAS Survived Long Enough For Videogames To Be Art

Dear SEGA,

Roger Ebert's wrong.
Videogames ARE an art.
Just look at shenmue.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Hajime Satomi Is A Vampire 2

You're one of us now.
You cannot die, but you must
feed on SEGA's rep.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

The Conduit 2, Does Anybody Give A Shit?

Dear SEGA,

E3 all week long.
Don't worry, you still have time
to show Shenmue 3.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Ernest Goes To SEGA

Dear SEGA,

Howdy! Ernest here.
Ya aint what ya used to be,
know what I mean, Vern?

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Hajime Satomi Is A Dick 3

Dear SEGA,

Don't know 'bout you, but
I'm playing Shenmue 3 in
my da-dah da-dahs!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Welly, Welly, Welly, Welly, Welly, Welly, Well!

Dear SEGA,

Make Shenmue threesies
if you got any yarbles!
Soon, O my brothers!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Input, More Input!

Dear SEGA,

ERROR, Stephanie!
Shenmue is disassembled.
Reassemble, please!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Little Surprises Around Every Corner, But Nothing Dangerous

Dear SEGA,

You know what this is?
This little piece of gum is
a three-course Shenmue!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Let's Hope Development IS Borderless

Dear SEGA,

Yo,
assholes!
What the hell?
Yu Suzuki
should be President.
Instead, Suzuki san's
a Creative Officer
in dimished capacity.
Why would you demote such a legend?
Did he hit on the wrong person
at SEGA's Christmas party?
Was it for the Shenmues?
Most likely that, yeah?
It didn't sell.
That's too bad,
'cause he's
GREAT!


Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Up for Some Van Surfing?

Dear SEGA,

Listen to Teen Wolf.
Give me a keg of beer...and
one of these Shenmues.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

3D Sonic Games > Kanye West

Dear SEGA,

Sometimes you suck balls,
but at least you're not this prick.
Douchebag cockshiner.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Anna Kournikova Snoggin' A Banana

Dear SEGA,

Yeah, you heard me right.
Make Shenmue 3 and you can
be the banana.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Eleven, Twelve, Do Not Shelve!

Dear SEGA,

One, two, more Shenmue.
Three, four, I know you're cash poor.
Five, six, roundhouse kicks.

Seven, eight, debut
the next Shenmue at E3,
just to demonstrate.

And last but not least...
Nine, ten, you had better make
Shenmue games again!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Hajime Satomi Is A Dick 2

Dear SEGA,

So, mirror, mirror
on the wall, who's the biggest
Dirk diggler of all?

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Lactose Intolerant?

Dear SEGA,

Here ya go, SEGA.
I thought you could use some cheese
to go with my whine.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

SEGA, You Big Tease

Dear SEGA,

Shenmue on Twitter.

If you don't make another,

you're just fucking with us.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Well, Don't Want To Sound Like A Dick Or Nothin', But...

Dear SEGA,

...It says on your chart
that you're fucked up, and your shit's
like, all retarded.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Anything Dirty, Or Dingy, Or Just About Everything Released By SEGA After The Sammy Merger

Dear SEGA,

Alpha Protocol?
I love it, because it's trash.
Oh, yes, I loooooovvvvveeeee traaaaaaaassssshhhh!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.