Neoclassical

Dear SEGA,

Forget the 3D.
Keep Sonic 2D and be
neoclassical.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Cocksuckers!

Dear SEGA,

If I fuckin' bleat
when I speak, it's because I
just got fuckin' fleeced!

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Stop Fucking Us In The Ass!

Dear SEGA,

"But I poop from there!"
She said, and then you replied,
"Not right now, you don't."

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Bat Outta Hell

Dear SEGA,

You know, I would do
anything for Shenmue 3...
but I won't do that.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Beating A Dead Horse

Dear SEGA,

3D Sonic games
suck even harder than the new
Prisoner remake.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Balls?

Dear SEGA,

Don't play it too safe.
Sometimes you should forget your
head and grab your balls.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!

Sorry, Your Honor,
I was distracted by the
newest Shenmue game.

Go Forth Now, And Skate The Path Of Righteousness!

Dear SEGA,

Father Donaldo
wants you back in the Wheel Zone
to find Shenmue 3.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Hajime Satomi Isn't In Charge Anymore

Dear Hajime Satomi,

You are not in charge.
Charles and Yu are, and they're
making Shenmue 3.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

The Carlton

Dear SEGA,



Announce Shenmue 3,
and I'll do The Carlton Dance
till the sun don't shine.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

You've Paid Your Dues

Dear SEGA,

Play it safe? Mistakes
are part of the dues one pays
for a full life, man.

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.

Have Yu Suzuki On The Show

Dear Jimmy Fallon,

You fancy yourself
a gamer, right? How 'bout some
Shenmue on late night?

Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.