Dear SEGA,
ERROR, Stephanie!
Shenmue is disassembled.
Reassemble, please!
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Little Surprises Around Every Corner, But Nothing Dangerous
Dear SEGA,
You know what this is?
This little piece of gum is
a three-course Shenmue!
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Let's Hope Development IS Borderless
Dear SEGA,
Yo,
assholes!
What the hell?
Yu Suzuki
should be President.
Instead, Suzuki san's
a Creative Officer
in dimished capacity.
Why would you demote such a legend?
Did he hit on the wrong person
at SEGA's Christmas party?
Was it for the Shenmues?
Most likely that, yeah?
It didn't sell.
That's too bad,
'cause he's
GREAT!
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Up for Some Van Surfing?
Dear SEGA,
Listen to Teen Wolf.
Give me a keg of beer...and
one of these Shenmues.
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
3D Sonic Games > Kanye West
Dear SEGA,
Sometimes you suck balls,
but at least you're not this prick.
Douchebag cockshiner.
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Anna Kournikova Snoggin' A Banana
Dear SEGA,
Yeah, you heard me right.
Make Shenmue 3 and you can
be the banana.
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Eleven, Twelve, Do Not Shelve!
Dear SEGA,
One, two, more Shenmue.
Three, four, I know you're cash poor.
Five, six, roundhouse kicks.
Seven, eight, debut
the next Shenmue at E3,
just to demonstrate.
And last but not least...
Nine, ten, you had better make
Shenmue games again!
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Hajime Satomi Is A Dick 2
Dear SEGA,
So, mirror, mirror
on the wall, who's the biggest
Dirk diggler of all?
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Lactose Intolerant?
Dear SEGA,
Here ya go, SEGA.
I thought you could use some cheese
to go with my whine.
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
SEGA, You Big Tease
Dear SEGA,
Shenmue on Twitter.
If you don't make another,
you're just fucking with us.
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Well, Don't Want To Sound Like A Dick Or Nothin', But...
Dear SEGA,
...It says on your chart
that you're fucked up, and your shit's
like, all retarded.
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Anything Dirty, Or Dingy, Or Just About Everything Released By SEGA After The Sammy Merger
Dear SEGA,
Alpha Protocol?
I love it, because it's trash.
Oh, yes, I loooooovvvvveeeee traaaaaaaassssshhhh!
Sincerely Yours,
Shenmue Fan.
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